Little Kid Faith

Just to prepare you...there won't be any pictures in this post. I'm not typically one to share medical challenges or experiences due to a tendency to be slightly hardcore and not want anyone to feel sorry for me. So I must admit that I struggled with making this public. But I'm a firm believer in sharing my testimony in any way that I can, and the events of the past week have been far too powerful not to share publicly. Plus, this is my way of thanking everyone who has been loyally praying for me over the past 6 months--I am living, breathing proof that anything is possible with the power of prayer! (And anyone who wants to tell me otherwise deserves to be slapped.)

As many of you already know, I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease back in October. I'll spare you the details, but it's been a rough half a year, but one filled with TONS of lessons and blessings that we could've never experienced otherwise. Cody and I have spent lots of time in the hospital since Christmas, including our first married Valentine's day experiencing my second of four blood transfusions. Needless to say, it wasn't surprising to hear my doctor say that I am one of the most severe cases of the disease that he has ever worked with...which no one realized until shortly after Christmas (due to my being so hardcore I suppose). Anyway, let's get back to the point of this post. Cody and I have adopted a theme for our lives lately, and learned many huge lessons about faith and turning everything over to God through everything we have experienced over the past six months. At the beginning of the year, our pastor preached a sermon in church about fresh starts and having faith in God's plan for our lives. He mentioned that we should have "little kid faith" as we walk through our daily lives, and that really hit home for Cody and me as we looked back on our experiences in the past year. We have both been challenged through new jobs, a new marriage, a big move away from everything familiar, and my sickness to hand everything over to God and make space to let him work in our lives. This kind of faith has taught us that we may not know exactly what lies ahead for us (we could have never predicted the kind of adventures that we'd experience in our first year of marriage), but we have total and complete faith that God is in control. And that has never held more true for us than in the past week.

Because of my severe case of Crohn's, I had been escalated to the highest, most intense level of treatment about six weeks ago. This involves 3 infusions of Remicade, a very strong medicine that is administered through IV infusions. Thanks to this medicine, I got a nice weekend stay in the hospital (and a wonderful visit from my mom and mother-in-law to boot!), as it is so strong that during the first treatment intense monitoring is required to ensure there are no allergic reactions. I took the first infusion like a champ, and felt like a new person after just one treatment, which only happens in 30% of patients. I felt very blessed after this, and 2 weeks later went back for the second infusion. At this time, I had a slight allergic reaction, but after being given a heavy dose of Benadryl, the nurse and my doctor ruled out the reaction as a sensitivity, and we scheduled my last infusion for this past Thursday, the big third treatment that would push me into remission by Easter weekend. (Remission from Crohn's means no more symptoms and a return to normal life.) The plan after this was that I would continue to have infusions every 2 months for maintenance, basically for the rest of my life. Not bad at all to ensure that I continued to feel good, and I was definitely overcoming my irrational fear of needles, that's for sure!

So on Thursday morning I arrived at the doctor's office for my spa treatment infusion (the experience really is spa-like. In fact, I joked with my nurse that we could really use some pedicures and facials when I come in for my treatments.) I said a prayer for everything to go smoothly and was immediately reminded of the Bible verse "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." God could not have provided me with more appropriate words at a better time. Once again, I was filled with a calmness knowing that he was in control of whatever was going to happen today. And I'm not going to lie, I started the treatment out VERY nervous. After all, this was the big day, the big treatment that I had been waiting for for half a year. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel at this point, and I didn't want anything messing this up. The nurse took my heart rate before beginning the infusion, and commented that it was definitely higher than normal. I chalked it up to being anxious or excited, but had a feeling today was going to be a little bit different than I had expected. Exactly one hour into the infusion (the exact time that I had reacted in the last infusion), I began to have a violet allergic reaction. Luckily, my doctor had come in at the exact time that this happened, and observed each symptom as I struggled to breathe, sufferred intense chest and back pains, and just about vommed everywhere (sorry, gruesome I know). I had awakened to this reaction from a pretty heavy Benadryl slumber, so you can imagine my surprise when the only words that I heard were "Stop the Remicade. She won't be having any more infusions."

I immediately panicked, and the first question I asked was "So I have to live with this disease the rest of my life?" Imagine my surprise when my doctor laughed...and told me not to worry. How could I not worry when all I could see was a future of continued sickness? I was so confused at this point...and I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was slightly loopy and coming out of a coma. I was, however, clear enough at this point to hear these words come out of my very knowledgable, research driven doctor's mouth: "Brittany, I am baffled. And I'm not worried. You are not going to live with this disease, but I must tell you that in all of the years that I have practiced medicine, I have never seen a case like yours. You are one of the most severe cases that I have ever worked with, and you have not even been through full treatment, but your body has healed itself. Two weeks ago your body was not even pumping blood and today your red blood cell count has doubled and is almost back to normal. Your body has healed itself and I have no way to explain it." As drugged up as I was, I knew the explanation. I looked at him, smiled, and simply said "Do you think it's because a higher power, stronger than medicine, is on my side?" He nodded, smiled back, and said "I think that's a safe bet."

At this point, I could probably end this novel of a post. For those of you that have stuck it out and read the whole thing, I really do appreciate it. If I can share anything from this experience, it would be that when we ask why or don't understand the things that are happening in our lives, just know that when we give up control, have little kid faith, and trust in God's timing, supernatural things can and do happen. All it takes is letting go and letting God work. Trust me, I'm living proof.

This year as Easter approaches, it is perhaps one of the most symbolic and special ones of my life. I praise the Lord everyday as I enter remission, and will celebrate with a spirit of renewal and redemption as I thank God for new beginnings, healing, and a new season in my life. I hope you'll share your little kid faith with someone, too, as we remember the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus made for us, so that we could be healed and have the comfort of knowing that He is in control of our lives, if we'll just let Him be!